(Photo from our first day, July 6, 2004. Did a “photoshoot” with it, haha)
I wanted to write about this before I got too far…
Last month, at the height of our movie production, my car and I had our 10 yr anniversary. There is nothing else from 10 yrs ago that I used every day and still do today. If you think about it, that’s pretty incredible. No other material object in my life has been that much of a constant. So this post is dedicated to it.. (and Acura I guess, haha)
My 2004 Acura TSX came to me in July of that summer between 2nd and 3rd year of college. Prior to that I had driven our family’s old 1990 Nissan Maxima. I actually really liked that car, “souping” it up in college with stupid little lights and air fresheners, the tape player which I plugged into my discman. I brought it down to college, but one unfortunate afternoon I got into a relatively minor accident and the car was “totaled”. Mind you, it only had some bumper damage, but seeing as the car was 14 yrs old, the value to fix it was more than the value of the car.
My parents didn’t want me driving a car with bumpers being held up by tape so that summer we started looking for cars. I was thinking of a used 2002 Acura Accord Coupe. Or in my dreams a used Lexus IS! But my parents preferred getting a new car. At the time the Scion TC was the brand new hot car, and I would’ve been totally happy if that were my new car. But they took me to the Acura dealership. The TSX at the time was also a brand new model being introduced. I told my parents that I wouldn’t feel right getting this car at that age, it was too nice. I literally said, “I feel like I would have to dress up everytime I drove it” haha. But they wanted it for me, and I couldn’t believe I was getting it. I know cars, much less new cars, are a luxury not many people/families can afford for their children, and I am so grateful that my parents could give me this car. Someday, I will return the gift. (freaking A though my dad loves Mercedes, he’ll hafta wait awhile for that haha)
It’s been 10 yrs, and I’ve been driving and taking care of it all along. (I technically named it “Tessie” at the time cause I felt that’s what everyone did with their cars, but I never really actually used the name, heh). Several tires, a bumper, a handful of dents, dings, and “dangits” later, a decade has passed. It sits quietly and faithfully for me each day. I’ve never had any real trouble with it thankfully, and everytime I sit inside I still remember the feeling I had when I first got it. I think of the residences it’s been parked, the trips it’s taken me on, the people who’ve sat in the passenger seat.
Some people tease me saying I drive an old car, and I guess, thinking back to when I was in hs in 2000, if I saw someone driving a 1990 car, I too would think, dang, that’s an old car… But I still see my beautiful TSX.
And as soon as school resumed, I put Tessie to use right away, haha. Here’s a video project from one of my courses. The first appearance of many in a “Wong Fu Production” =)
via Phil’s WordPress blog post.
There’s an end for all of us or hope for all of us, and we believe that there is this last person that we’ll find.” This one’s a little more positive and more definitive in that sense, and that has come over time with me personally. You go through life as a younger person trying to figure out why people are in your lives, why they end, why they don’t start. It all comes to a reason. People always say, “Everything happens for a reason” or “Everything happens for the best,” and I’m kind of just wondering when is that reason going to come? When is that best going to come? That’s what the idea behind this one is. We’re showing that it can actually happen.
On the eve of my 20th birthday, I wrote in my journal that it was very exciting/scary to be entering the decade where I would probably be getting married and starting a family, cause, that’s what happens in your 20s, right? …With only 3 months left of my 20s, I either have a lot of work to do these next 90 days, or have to accept that I was incredibly naive and flat out wrong with my teenage prediction/perception.
While there are a variety of reasons why I “missed” this mark (most of which will be covered in a blog post or short film at some point ), a big reason is that I have an equally naive concept of what getting married means and results in. And I would be the first to call bs on myself, I mean what do I know? I’m sure one’s perception of love and life totally changes once the vows are made and children arrive, and this is what this post is about.
I wish I had more communication with married men. Not just the surface “Yeah married life is totally different” “no one’s ever ready for kids” “happy wife happy life” stuff… I mean, real, honest communication. When I do talk to young husbands and fathers it’s taboo to ask some of the harder questions. It’s even more taboo for them to answer them on the real. And even older men, I don’t feel comfortable asking certain things.
Have your feelings changed? Do you still think about someone in your past? What do you fantasize about? Who do you fantasize about? How do you not act on them? ..or, have you? Why do you stay? When you do have doubts, how do you fight them? Sure you were madly in love when you first got married, but what’s it like being held to a decision you made 5 yrs ago? 10 yrs, 20 yrs? Have you not changed? …Would you change anything?
Am I over complicating things? Do these issues not occur? Is it actually much simpler than I’m making it to be? “Chill out kid.”
I believe that as male animals we have primal desires that are suppressed because we are civilized and have evolved emotions. I believe that as intellectual humans we develop within our own life span and what we feel and believe rarely stays constant. So how do these men do it? And I don’t ask that question like it’s impossible. I literally want to know what makes them able to do something I don’t fully understand yet. I think when they are trying to be polite or good role models they’ll answer something about “I don’t miss that life”, and “what they’ve built together”. But is that all? How much is attributed to active choice, how much is it true love where they can’t see themselves with anyone else?
I’m not questioning the validity or authenticity of the answers. If it really is some special ingredient or level of “love” I have yet to grasp, that’s awesome. I can’t wait to get there. But perhaps I want to know that there isn’t that special ingredient. That despite being madly in love, thoughts and desires will always arise and are dealt with. I don’t think men want to admit these faults, they don’t want to disclose these secrets.. but I really don’t think they should be secrets, because honestly, there’s no secret. People’s minds and hearts wander constantly. Own up to it and tell those of us who haven’t gotten to where you are how you manage. Share your knowledge, share your struggles. It could possibly help both sides.
I’m a flawed man, I’m a scared man. But I want to be above these fears and doubts. I want to be confident in my future. A vow at it’s core is about confidence, no? Or is not having confidence the reason why one needs a vow? I think the only way I can make these promises and enter that next stage of life is to learn how to love, desire, yearn, miss, and let go of people in the right amounts. Is my first mistake believing that husbands and wives have found that balance?